The year is 2023

I've just been through 6 months of studying for my second specialist exam, having sat one last year. Just have a week to go before I sit an oral exam in Melbourne. Six months of hell it was. Working full-time, then heading home to study was not something I thought I would be doing at 33. Yet here I am. Maybe I'm just stressed, angry and tired- also a tad annoyed at the fireworks tonight (Guy Fawke's). I notice that it is often during these moments where I reflect the last 10 years of life, and begin to reminisce the times when life had been better and more innocent. I've decided that if I fail this exam, I'm not going to resit this. I owe it to my family and to myself at the very least that I should start living and prioritize my family. 

I don't know what brought me back to this blog, perhaps it's what they say- when the nostaglia hits, the nostaglia HITS. But I'm very thankful to have kept it all these years. 

I'm reading about how 13 years ago I was studying Neurology at the computer labs (those late nights are unforgettable). Or about the time when I had my first snowball fight in the slums of Clyde Street. Or the time when we would play left 4 dead 2 [some parts still scare me til this day i.e. the balls haven't grown any bigger]. These were happy times that I would never experience again, but once theyre in a blog post, they've become treasured memories. 

My writing style hasn't changed [basically a stream of consciousness onto a pixelated screen, then furiously retyping the same sentence over and over until it makes sense lol] but dare I say I'm a little more emotionally regulated?! Perhaps a little more mature, a little more confident about myself and valuing my own thoughts. A little more grateful that I've actually grown up with so much privilege to not have the worries of what some of patients have to deal with on a daily basis. To be able to achieve my personal goals without having to constantly worry about other people is such a rare and massive advantage in itself. 

I wonder how the past me would have looked at the present me today. Would he be proud of me? Did I turn out the way he expected? I'm sure he would have liked two things though - I fixed my teeth, and I just bought three bottles of Man O' War wines without looking at the price tag for post-exam celebratory drinks. I should stop - my chest is puffing haha

Looking through my friend's blogs - they seem mostly dead bar one. She's always been such a good writer, with such prose and poetic sense. I guess I have her to thank for keeping the blogging spirit in me alive (somewhat) for all these years. Life continues regardless of whether we decide to record it for our future selves, but at the very least, I'm thankful that I did.