I'm stuffed. I'm already three weeks through the course and I'm really really tired. All those energy drinks are making me feel worse. WAY worse. But thank God some random group from Unicol brought me up to the Botanical Gardens, or I would have seriously cracked. It's funny, how I walked past this place over 20 times last year, and didn't know there was an aviary sitting right at the top? It's just f-ing beautiful when you can see the whole Dunedin, no poetic sense or artistic talent needed. Damn, I should have brought my camera!
So why am I wasting my time writing this pointless blog rather than studying? I have no idea. I just felt a vibe, like the one on my previous post. haha.
I'm just trying to keep up with work while getting over the fact that 1700 HSFY are doing the same thing. Only that they have a bigger chance. I have no idea where I am going, or what I am going to do. I remember someone in Foundy asking me what will I be doing 10 years from now, I just told her that I was still soul-searching. It's been hard, I've been trying to get into Med, but it's like a dead end. Can't explain much here. I should stop.
I'm not complaining though, it's just that most of the time the odds are always against me. Through all these consequences, I found out that I have moved an inch closer to God. Wherever I meet a dead end, or a fallen tree that blocks my path, I have this strong belief that God will never leave my side. This just reminds me of a verse in Romans 10:11-12 ~ Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame. For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile, the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses those who call on him. To be honest, this is probably the best bible verse I can tell you right off my head. It applies to all. It reaches out to anyone from all walks of life. It leaves you contemplating, no? Well, welcome to the religious side of Sebastian.
Life is just horrible, because it's unpredictable. It's unfair. There is no way of telling what the future holds. (Someone please prove the Law of Thermodynamics wrong puh-leaz??) I mean, it doesn't mean that if you get straight As, you can get your dream job, your dream house, your dream car, your dream spouse, your dream life. There's still a chance that you may drop dead the next day. There's just no guarantee in life. And I loathe it.
There is bound to be a death defying risk you have to take. It's like being stranded on Titanic.You see people fighting for survival, their nails and flesh torn apart by the rough floorboards while being dragged helplessly into the icy depths.
Are you willing to leap off the edge, knowing that the only thing left to pull you through is hope? What if, by a slip of fate, you plummet into the icy depths? It's just a test, whether I am the lucky survivor, or a person whose life has been frozen in time, just like the other 1500 casualties. Perhaps it is my fear of failure, the fear of being an outcast of a generation only defined by "what" kind of degree, "where" are you on the socioeconomic pyramid, "how" much is your salary, rather than "who" you are.
I just want to thank all of you, who have patiently been reading my lengthy blogpost. I'm just crapping about what I feel now, what I feel that must be put into words before I click the 'post' button. I must stop, HUBS test in less than a week, GLMs not done, Visa is encountering problems, laptop under repair, feeling a bit sick, a few labs next week, assignments due, energy levels are low....
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